She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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