6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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