Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
