oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
