oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
