i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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