so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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