Duck Duck Cougar?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
