hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
