I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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