One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
