I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
