1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
