so that wasnt chicken after all
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
