i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
