A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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