I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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