Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
