Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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