I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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