so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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