every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
