it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
