I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
