I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I could make wine with my vomit
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
