hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
