i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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