My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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