My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
