Soap is not a condiment
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
