So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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