I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
