i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Randomize
