hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
