Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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