woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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