It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
