So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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