Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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