i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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