Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
