there's paper in my vomit.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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