Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is Oprah even human
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
