Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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