Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A+ Viking dick
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
