This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
