Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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