I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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