Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
