my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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