Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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