omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
