I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You ate ashes out of my bong
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
