Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
