That's intense
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
