look no pants
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just want nice things and good sex
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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