at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize