Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
