If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
