OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
