his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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