are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
