new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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