The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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