dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize