we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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