Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
