I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
