Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i am craving dick and cupcakes
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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