Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
