I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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