I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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