Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
