Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
