Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
