The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
