I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize