Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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