Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
