I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single π€¦πΌββοΈ
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize
