as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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