Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
