somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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