Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
